A local dating coach says people are "craving connection" after the post-pandemic year of the virtual date.
People have been socially distanced for too long, says Jessica Kuiken.
The thing about online dating and dating apps is you can still meet new people without ever leaving your house. It’s all in the palm of your hands with a couple swipes of your fingertips.
When the pandemic hit the world adjusted and so did dating apps. Dating app Bumble created a 'virtual date badge' to let people know you are open to video chatting. Similarly, the app Hinge had a 'date from home' option which occurred when both people were interested, according to a journal article from New Media & Society.
Kuiken, is a dating coach based in Guelph who created The Dating Academy to help women date and find partners for long lasting relationships.
In 2017 Kuiken got out of a nine-year-long relationship and was single for four years. She was dating during the pandemic and ended up meeting her now partner in December 2020 on Plenty of Fish.
Kuiken had a plethora of experiences when in the dating world. “You get online hopeful and within a couple hours, within a couple days, there’s the sexual messages right away. There’s the creepy men, there’s the ghosting, there’s the attractive men that can’t hold a conversation,” said Kuiken.
“There’s the people with the baggage that right away are talking about their exes and how much they hate them. The damaged people, not knowing how to regulate themselves.”
She said dating at the beginning of the pandemic was difficult because people rely on their day-to-day lives to create conversation. When the highlight of people’s day was moving from their couch to the kitchen there wasn't much to talk about.
“I also think for single people there wasn’t a lot of empathy, compassion or understanding that they were on their own completely,” said Kuiken.
She has single friends who didn’t have anyone to hug or touch for six months and she said it isn’t a great way to live.
Some pandemic-friendly dates include having a virtual video Zoom chat, going for a coffee and taking a walk outside or eating dinner on a patio.
A message Kuiken gives to people is if they are looking for the initial spark when meeting someone new, they may not find it. "I think because it's online dating, there is no room for that spark, I think you create the compatibility."
It’s possible to find your happily ever after with online dating in a post-pandemic world.
"Understand you will have to date to find love. It's not going to happen instantly and if you can look at the dating experience with curiosity and excitement to meet new people and experience different things," said Kuiken. "Kind of get a sense of what you enjoy and what you don't. Instead of seeing it as a soul-sucking experience, that can really help.
Sarah Deter had been online dating before the start of the pandemic.
As restrictions started to lessen, Deter met more people in-person for dates. “And it wasn’t even really that maybe I wasn’t as open to meeting people in-person. I found other people weren’t as open,” she said.
She had been open to meeting people to go for a walk or sit on a patio for dinner, more pandemic friendly meetups but other people weren’t as keen.
Scrolling through dating apps like Tinder or Bumble, some people choose to disclose their vaccination status in their bios.
“I found it really interesting that, that was a bigger qualifier for a lot of people than anything else, was your vaccination status,” said Deter.
“To me, I personally found that if someone felt that was that important, that wasn’t someone that I was actually interested in talking to because if that was their biggest priority, then I know my priorities and theirs didn’t align.”
When Deter did go on dates she found people were very socially awkward and it was a huge turn-off, perhaps due to the fact people were isolated for so long.
“I met a couple different guys just for drinks at a restaurant. Maybe they just always had bad social skills, I don’t know. But it was like they couldn’t even have a conversation with the servers or you know the staff there,” said Deter.
“They were just really direct and to the point. They don’t want to engage in normal - what I would think would be normal - social, just even pleasantries really.”
She found the dating age range she was dating, 35 to 45, people were a bit jaded. A lot of older men would message her saying they would take care of her and flaunting their money and assets.
Despite some bad dates Deter had been on, she still had an optimistic approach to dating. She met her significant other through online dating and has been with him ever since.
