Boundaries. Now there is a word we hear all the time. No is a complete sentence, right? Stand up for yourself. Set boundaries and stick to them. It sounds so easy.
It’s not.
Boundaries define what we are comfortable with physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally. Setting boundaries is very important. Without them we risk being treated unfairly, spending too much, being abused and overexerting our energy. Boundaries differ from person to person. For example, one person’s boundary may include kissing on a first date or letting their teenager use swear words. An other's boundary may include no physical contact on a first date and not allowing strong language in the house. Boundaries are influenced by a person’s ideals, culture, goals and personal life experience.
So, why is setting boundaries so difficult?
There are many – many – challenges to boundaries. Here are a few examples of why boundary setting is complicated.
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As a parent, you want to rule out social media and screen time. You are uncomfortable with thoughts of your kids seeing adult content or being cyber-bullied. However, does this boundary help them discern between what is safe or not to view online?
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You have a genuine fear of abuse when standing up for yourself. You are in a situation when “no” means physical or verbal punishment. This crosses from a boundary issue to one of domestic violence.
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Confrontation simply isn’t your thing. You don’t want to say yes to every school bake sale, volunteer opportunity or every ride your kid needs to a friend’s house. You are completely overworked and burned out but if you don’t say yes, you feel guilty.
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Your partner has a very different set of boundaries for shared mutual responsibilities. They are far more comfortable with a messy house, unruly kids or high monthly spending/using credit than you are. Is compromising breaking your boundaries? Is there any middle ground?
Life coaching has many benefits for boundary setting. Through life coaching you have a neutral, experienced, certified third party to help you examine how to set boundaries, how to stand up for yourself or get help if needed, learn to say no without guilt and even learn if your boundaries are too inflexible.
You need boundaries to maintain your health and sanity. Allow life coaching to help you set – and stick with – healthy boundaries that improve your life. Anita Bergsma is an experienced life coach that can help. Visit www.anitabergsma.com today to get started.